​​The Christian funeral service is for the living to celebrate the life of the deceased. The liturgy for the dead is an Easter liturgy. It finds all meaning in the Resurrection. Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we too, shall be raised.​

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The liturgy, therefore, is characterized by joy, in the certainty that “neither death, not life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

(Romans 8:38-39)​​

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This joy, however, does not make human grief unchristian. The very love we have for each other in Christ brings deep sorrow when we are parted by death. Jesus himself wept at the grave of his friend. So, while we rejoice that someone we love has entered into the nearer presence of our Lord, we sorrow in sympathy with those who mourn.​

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General Policies​

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Eligibility: Funerals at Epiphany are generally for members and, when clergy are available, their family members. Exceptions will be considered case-by-case.

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​Scheduling: The funeral service may be held immediately before the interment of the body or the ashes, or at a time after interment. The service should be held at a time when the congregation has an opportunity to be present. We encourage people to plan on a start time between 10:00 AM and 3:00 PM on a Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. Requests for other days will be determined by the rector.​

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Receptions: Receptions and similar functions after the funeral service are completely optional - there is no expectation or obligation! Should the family wish to host a reception, please note the two options:

       - Epiphany can provide and staff cookies and coffee/water after a mid-morning or mid-

afternoon service.

       - The family can hire catering services that will cover all phases of hosting and staffing (set-up, meal service, and clean up). Suggested caterers are:

      -- Arguello Catering, 650-363-2030

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Fees: Funerals are considered part of the essential work of the church. As such, there are no set fees for funerals at Epiphany, except for an honorarium to the musician, which typically ranges between $300- 350. Any other offerings are completely optional and at the discretion of the family. The parish hall is available for rent should the family wish to hold a reception following the service.​

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Before the Funeral​

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When To Call: If at all possible, when a person is near death, please consider contacting one of our staff so that the ministrations of the Church, during which we may pray with the person and their loved ones and administer Last Rites may be provided as desired. If prior contact has not been made for any reason, it is important that the death of a member of the church be reported as soon as possible to a priest of the congregation.

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Cremation Considerations: For those who wish to be cremated, it is entirely appropriate that a priest and members of the family pray together with the body before it is cremated. Please let the funeral home or crematorium know as soon as possible if the family would like this opportunity.

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Initial Funeral Planning Meeting: When all parties are prepared to do so, arrangements for the funeral service will be made in consultation with one of our priests and in collaboration with the funeral home chosen by the family. At that time, the family will assist the priest in assembling the details of the service, such as format, readings, hymns, etc. Prayers with the family and the deceased are also offered. Please note that this meeting should take place prior to the family taking any steps to publicize the scheduling of a service.

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Other Planning Considerations: During the service planning process, the family and priest will also discuss other topics, likely including:

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       Family Participation: Family and friends are encouraged to take an active part in the             service. At this emotional time, care should be taken in choosing those relatives who will         participate. Parts of the service which are appropriate for family and friends are:

       • Reading the lessons

       • Leading the Prayers of the People

       • Bringing the bread and wine to the altar for communion

       • Serving as Pallbearers or carrying the cremains

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       Eulogies and Remembrances: While it can be an important part of a family’s grieving           process to share stories of their family member, eulogies are not traditionally included in         an Episcopal funeral, according to our Book of Common Prayer. We highly recommend         that remembrances take place outside the sacred structure of the funeral service, both to           preserve the sanctity of the occasion and to avoid placing the speaker in a vulnerable                   position during a time of often unexpected emotional turmoil. Suitable times for family           eulogies are at a funeral home visitation or at a reception after the service and/or                         committal. Please consult with your officiating priest if a family member requests an                 exception to this practice.

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       Flowers: Flowers are optional and may be displayed at the altar for the funeral service. If         the funeral will take place in close schedule proximity to weekend services, families may             consider using that floral arrangement for the funeral service. If you would like to use a             local florist to provide family-selected flowers for the altar, please do so in consultation            with the officiating priest. We recommend Granara’s Florist, 650-591-0751, for flower              arrangements.

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      Music: Service music is optional but encouraged. Hymns selected should be general                   hymns of faith, hymns related to the readings, Easter or All Saints hymns, or those                     appointed in the Hymnal for burial. It is the custom at Epiphany for these to be played             on the organ or piano. Care should be taken that those likely to be in the congregation             know the hymns and service music, so that they feel comfortable singing even in a time             of grief. A list of suggested hymns is available. The Director of Music at Epiphany will               work with the family to arrange for any musicians, including soloists.

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       Estimated Attendance and Seating: Pews will be reserved at the front of the church             for the family and other service participants. Please let the priest know ahead of time how         many pallbearers there will be and how many family members will be seated in the                     reserved area.

       Communion: A celebration of the Eucharist is optional but encouraged as an                             appropriate expression of the union of the living and the departed in Christ in the                     communion of saints. In our church, all who feel God's call are welcome receive at the               altar for communion with no preconditions.

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Visitations: Arrangements can be made for the visitation of family and friends, and for viewings of the body. This should be arranged with the funeral home you have chosen.

While a visitation is completely discretionary, we have found that providing this opportunity has several benefits. It is an excellent avenue to give people a chance to offer sympathy to the family and to share with each other at the time of death. Visitation scheduling options may include:

       • A specified time for family to receive friends at home

       • A time at the church

       • After the service at the church

       • The family may receive people in the Library prior to the service.

       • Visiting hours at the funeral home

Many families have found that receiving people at the church after services, either in the courtyard or if you are renting the parish hall, puts the least burden on the family.

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Receiving the Body into the Parish: Please coordinate the arrival of your loved one to the church to ensure that a member of our staff is present. The funeral home may assist in this notification. After the remains arrive, they will be honored as directed in the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer: “The coffin is to be closed before the service, and it remains closed thereafter.”

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The Service Itself

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Service Bulletins: Service bulletins for the funeral will be produced by Epiphany staff. If families would like to include a picture of their loved one on the bulletin cover, please provide a high-resolution digital version (preferred) or print copy to the church staff.

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Funeral Participants: Epiphany staff will solicit parish members for volunteers to fill various liturgical server roles, such as reading the lessons, as required by the service format. Family members are welcome to act in these roles if desired.

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Prior to Procession: Prior to the beginning of the funeral service, members of the family are invited to gather in the library. It is appropriate that the family and friends come together for prayers prior to the funeral. The officiating priest will join you in the Parlor several minutes before the funeral begins and, after prayer, will escort the family to the doors of the Sanctuary. Members of the family may choose to be seated in the sanctuary prior to the beginning of the service or walk in the procession into the church during the opening prayer.

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Procession: The lay ministers and clergy will enter in an appropriate liturgical procession from the back of the church. This will be explained and discussed by the officiating priest in the course of preparations for the funeral. The congregation stands at the beginning of the procession.

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Funeral Service: The congregation will be invited to stand, sit, and kneel as full participants in the service following the rubrics of The Book of Common Prayer.

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After the Funeral

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At the Graveside/Columbarium: The committal service for the body or ashes of the deceased person is very brief. It can be held either prior to the church service or following it. Family and friends may choose a private service or may open the service to all. Military honors are welcome as part of the graveside service, but non-religious ceremonies are not a part of the worship service in the church.

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Prior Arrangements for Funerals

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Parishioners are strongly encouraged to pre-arrange funeral plans with church staff and to maintain a copy of these plans on file with the parish office.

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Expenses: Funeral homes offer a very wide range of products and services with the associated cost range. If you have preferences or concerns about funeral expenses, we strongly advise you to specify them both in your planning documents and in your conversation with the consulting priest.

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Estate Planning and Memorial Gifts: Funeral planning is a natural extension of estate planning that encompasses wills, powers of attorney, advance directives, etc. We highly recommend that all members meet with one of our priests to include your funeral wishes in that process. Additionally, if you are considering gifts to Epiphany in your planning, we would be honored to assist you in directing your gift toward a ministry that best matches your desires. Gifts may be made by individuals or by the family of the deceased. Please consult with one of our priests if you are considering such a bequest.

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Additional Information: The following documents may be useful to families making funeral plans. Reviewing them before your meeting with a priest will be an excellent starting point for both your family and the consulting priest in meeting your wishes for all appropriate funeral details. After your plans are established, we will maintain copies in the church office. We also strongly recommend distributing additional copies among family members who you expect to be involved in carrying out your end-of-life intentions.